fully connected…never alone!


Dysfunctional Christian

Filed under: Uncategorized — connectingwomenministries @ 3:29 am

I have a meeting today, I guess you could call it an interview,  and I was reviewing in my head all of the questions this person might ask me.   If asked to describe myself what would I say?  This person doesn’t know me from adam or the type of life I lead but if I was moved to be 100% honest with her this is what I would say, “I am a dysfunctional Christian”.   I feel as if God is on my doorstep banging very hard to let him in and I keep fighting it.   Why?   I don’t know.  I think when you become a Christian later in life (I was 33) you have a hard time ‘giving it all to God’ when so much of your prior life you did everything with your own best interest in mind.   I recently saw a movie “Eat, Pray, Love” and Julia Roberts character made a comment “I don’t feel anything”, that’s where I am right now.  Summer should be a time of relaxation, joy, love and fun.  Mine has been filled with work, deadlines, obligations, expectations and yes, some fun….Don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed this summer but my heart keeps breaking because I am not where I want to be in my walk with Christ.   I try to blame it on outside influences; the husband who’s walk with Christ is in the baby stages, the father, who I also work with day in and day out, that triggers the anxiety and anger issues I have with constant negativity; the busy schedule that makes me choose between what I want to do and what I should do.  Debt; the consistent out of debt one minute only to get back into it another.   Here’s how I would like to “fix” it.  Focus on God!  Period.  Retrain the brain, Reschedule my life, Prioritize the things that will make me one with God versus being a neighbor with God.  The thing is, until I decide AND truly believe that this is my one chance to get it right, things will continue to stay the same.  Will my life look like it does now if I put these changes in motion?  Probably not.  But….will I have peace in my heart and a personal relationship with my Lord and Savior and experience what it is like to ‘give it all to God’.  Man, that sounds good.   Maybe I can turn dysfunctional into functional yet….


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